I just beat cancer. Here's 12 things I learned.

I have thought more in the last six months than I have in my last 25 years combined. In fact, it often feels as if I have thought every thought a human being can think. Now that this nightmare is behind me, I have consolidated these thoughts into 12 or so lessons – teachings I hope can stick with me and dictate my disposition for the rest of my long, long, very long life. Some of them are more fleshed out than others – but hey, I still have chemo-brain, so no lip.

1. Slow down.

More than in just the physical sense, cancer has taught me the importance of slowing down your mental and emotional processing. Before I got sick, I was so high strung – always so afraid that if I took a day off, or even a second, that I would somehow fall behind an imaginary benchmark I had set for myself – and never “make it” – whatever that means. Now, I like to just sit. Bask in sunlight. Listen to running water. Listen to my breath. Look at trees. Play with my dog. There is no rush. You are going to live a very, very long life if you treat these moments with the eternal sanctity that they possess. Appreciate them now and always. Because there is no magical remote for controlling time. There is no fast forward button. This isn’t Click. Christopher isn’t Walken through that door (sorry). Be patient with yourself – and patience with others will come naturally. Plus, the little moments are what make life worth living.

2. Make your actions deliberate.

When I think back to before I got sick – I was always on the go. Always trying to get a leg-up on everyone else. Like I said, high-strung. But the true buffoonery about that mentality was this: I wasn’t even going about it the right way. I was a junkie; hooked on the high of being better, faster, smarter, stronger, and more important than everyone else. I know now that this was not the right way to craft the lifestyle that I so desperately sought. The fact of the matter is that my actions were not deliberate. When I set out to do something – it wasn’t to truly grow or accomplish something in any profound way – it was to feel better about myself. So there was no payoff. If you’re bipolar like me, you know that the feeling of pride of fleeting. Make your actions deliberate – have a plan and a purpose for the things you do. Don’t do those things out of some misplaced superiority complex. It will betray you.

3. Never stop expressing yourself.

Although I’ve been vehemently adamant about how I am going to live for a long, long, long, long time – I am even more vehemently adamant about this: Self-expression is the function of life. Look it up; I’m fairly certain Dr. Seuss wrote all of his books on this very subject. And he was a doctor, so, point me. The essence of the idea is this: You are the only you – so be you. In the words of Friederich Nietzsche; “Become who you are.” If you think that hat looks cool – fucking wear it. Cuff your pants like you’re criminally insane. Make weird art that nobody understands. You are under no obligation to explain yourself to the world around you – the world has already done that for you. We are a lethargic, bored species. Entertain us by showing us how freaky, insane, and unique you are.

4. Listen to your body.

This is a lesson I’ve gone back and forth on. At the risk of sounding like an IG Fitness influencer – I must include it here. If I had not listened to my body, or sought help when I did – I would very likely not be alive, right now, writing this on June 25th, 2021. It’s so easy to shake-off a stomach ache, or some constipation, or puke as a food allergy, a “bug”, or “just something I ate”. Sometimes, that bug can be an eight-ounce tumor growing in your small intestine. And then the fun begins. Better to handle it while you still can. It’s so easy to shrug these things off in your early to mid-twenties – but just take it from me. If you don’t feel well, take your body at its word. You’ve only got one, after all.

5. Take chances.

I’d like to think this is something I realized before I came down cancer – but the more I think about it, I am not so sure. It goes back to taking deliberate actions for me. Sure, I was doing things I could spin as risky; bold career moves or lifestyle choices that made me seem like a maverick – a cool outsider, bold and daring. But as I explained before, I was taking those “chances” for the wrong reasons. I say “take chances” now and I mean this: Take chances to pursue what you truly believe in. I started my own website because I had some shit I felt like I had to say. It may not seem “risky” to others, but the very idea of putting my thoughts and writing out there to be scrutinized by the general public – at another point in my life – would have been my worst nightmare. Writing this article – and having it read by you – is a chance I have to take.

6. Make agreements.

There’s a philosophy I’ve adopted in my adult life. Whether it’s a post-product of my Catholic upbringing or some convoluted amalgamation of what I read and consume; I am unsure. But the philosophy is this: Making agreements make us human. Trust is a hard thing to come by in today’s world. I, like many, find it hard to trust anyone I haven’t known for more than at least five years or so. Making agreements with people nurtures relationships. It establishes this ever-elusive trust. More importantly than with people however, is making agreements with a higher power. For me, it is God. For you – it may be the “universe”, “the void”, “the abyss” or any other nihilistic synonym in between. But an agreement, otherwise known as a prayer, or even a mental or verbal affirmation – it solidifies your relationship with the great beyond. You can take this same principle of trust-building with people and practice it with your Maker as I do. And it doesn’t have to be complex. My agreement with God is this: You keep me alive, and I will give thanks to you. That’s really it. I often just quickly do the sign of the cross before bed and tell the big man, “Looks like you’re holding up your end of the bargain – thanks.” And that’s it. This reaffirms your relationship with the world around you – ideally, in a constructive way.

7. Love as much as you breathe.

Apologies in advance for sounding like a Forever 21 bath towel. But their design department is letting you on to something important. It’s a lesson that’s been repeated since the most ancient of times, “Love thy neighbor”, “The Golden Rule,” so on and so forth. There’s a reason for that: It’s fucking important. My version of it is this: Make all of your decisions based out of love. Not fear, nor anger nor resentment. In the words of John Lennon - All you need is love; love is all you need. And you should listen to him. He was killed for saying it. When we operate in love our actions hold more meaning – they become pure. But it’s hard to do! It takes practice. It’s easy to be afraid, to hate things, to become angry. But fear is the path to the dark side. It’s true. Think about all the violent political messaging that boils down to fear of the other. It’s not something John Lennon, nor Master Yoda would condone. And as an added bonus, think about this: If you operate out of love, you will inevitably DO what you love. And in a perfect world – isn’t that what we all want to do?

8. There is an infinite number of excuses.

This is something I learned while teaching at San Diego State, but didn’t realize it applied to myself until very recently. After I moved back from San Diego and was trying to get my writing career started, I could not help but make up excuses for myself. It was like I was waiting for Lorne Michaels himself to roll up to my house in a chariot with a job-offer to be headwriter on SNL. I was quite literally waiting for a golden ticket; the right person to see my work at the right time – and then I would be set for life. That’s not really how life works. You just gotta keep going. Your brain is a supercomputer – it's capable of coming up with an infinite number of excuses for why something did or didn’t happen. All these excuses, in aggregate, equal a zero sum. As the saying goes – excuses are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink. It’s an aggressive analogy, but it’s true. Understand that there is no excuse for hardwork – use your precious mental cognition for accomplishing the tasks at hand, and not coming up with lame ass excuses.

9. Allow yourself permission to be happy.

Easier said than done, right? This is something I’ve struggled with my entire life – weirdly, having cancer has made the idea of it somewhat simpler. I, like many, suffer from a severe case of imposter syndrome. Throughout my entire life I’ve felt as if no matter how hard I work, no matter how genuine, honest and/or open I am – I am somehow undeserving of success, progress, self-actualization – and as a result happiness. For the longest time I didn’t know where it came from; even months of cognitive-behavioral therapy didn’t get to the root of it. But I’ve sort of realized the problem after being stuck inside for six long months – and the answer makes complete sense. It’s me. It’s always been me. There’s no cosmic-eternal judge clocking me in and out every day; charting my growth to see if what I am doing is true and genuine. I just was not allowing myself to be happy. It’s as simple as that. I think at the very root of it – it comes down to our humanity. We, as human beings, truly want to offer something great and worthwhile to the world. But ultimately, it’s not up to us whether what we do or create is any good. On top of that, if history has taught us anything, it’s that the world-at-large is an extremely unreliable critic. So, don’t spend your precious energy worrying about the outside world. Happiness, like many great things in this life, comes from within.

10. Practice loneliness.

It’s beginning to rub off on me that all of these are easier said than done. Not a lot of people like to be lonely, certainly very few prefer it. But I contend there is value in practicing the art of being alone. Take it from someone who’s been stuck inside his room for months – and this is on the tail-end of Covid. When I hear people say that they are “bored” it comes off as privileged to me. They are not bored because they have nothing to “do”, they are bored because they are not comfortable exploring their own mind. In my adult life, I’ve grown to love being alone more and more. It’s healing to me. It allows me to think clearly about shit that genuinely interests me. To write. To listen to music. To exercise. To grow. I am in love with my mind – but it wasn’t always this way. I used to be so terrified of my own brain I needed to drink every single day to stop the voices. I wasn’t comfortable with what they were saying. But that has changed, because I’m at peace with the man I am. I was only able to achieve that by practicing loneliness.

11. Family is everything.

We are not all blessed with big loving families on this planet. And that’s a crying shame. It only underscores the importance of treating others with love and adulation. I am continuously blown away by the support I receive from my family and friends through this whole ordeal. Their willingness to drop everything and help me – send me food, reading materials, drive me to doctor’s visits – you name it. Family, whether they want to or not, are pretty much legally-obligated to help you out in times like this. Better yet, they actually do care and want to help. Take advantage of it, if you can. Not everyone in this world has the opportunity to.

12. You empower others by being brave.

Courageousness is not something that I often thought about before I got stricken with this cancerous-ass cancer. Now, it dances on the forefront of my brain just about every day. The reason is because when people ask “How are you feeling?” – I can hear the tenseness in their voices. They are terrified; terrified I may say I feel like I might die. When you’re able to portray strength – do so. It’s puts your loved ones at ease. It makes them feel so much better to see how well you are managing things. Even on this day, my last day of chemo, I remain strong to help my friends and family remain strong – I show them courage so that they can be courageous too. They’re not losing their little boy. I’m going to live a long, long, long, long, long life.

With Love, Always.

- Dan